The Rev. Joseph Farnes
All Saints, Boise
Second Sunday after Epiphany, Year B
January 14, 2024
This past week was the monthly clericus meeting, a gathering of clergy leaders from the Episcopal congregations in our region. Each month we do a little Bible study and reflect on the work and challenges for each of our congregations. Often our Bible passage is related to the upcoming Sunday lectionary – it’s a nice time to hear each other’s perspectives. It’s great to share experiences in a supportive environment.
We had a little conversation this week about Samuel hearing God. We started talking about the psych evaluation that clergy go through. People who are in the discernment process to be ordained are required to have a mental and physical exam before they can go forward. In this diocese, the psychologist who performed the psych eval used a big variety of assessments. Basic intelligence measures, the Thematic Apperceptions Test, the House-Tree-Person Test, and the one that almost always comes up: the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, or MMPI for short. The MMPI is a long test of multiple true/false questions. It will ask the same question multiple ways to see if you are consistent, and when you complete one section you turn it in so you can’t go back and see what you answered before.
One of the test items that comes up that always flummoxes clergy-to-be is this statement that you must answer true or false to, with no explanation: “God talks to me.”
There’s a lot riding on that, isn’t there? Wouldn’t some nuance to explain your response?
But you can’t give nuance. You must answer it, and the psychologist will write a report that gets sent to the bishop.
If I say “True,” then will it be a flag for an auditory hallucination, a religious delusion, a symptom of a deeper mental illness? If I say “false,” then what exactly am I doing? If I don’t think God talks to me, then why would anyone pray?
So how would you respond? True, or false?
Now, luckily you probably aren’t going to take the MMPI anytime soon. Whew! But there is a clarity that it creates when we can’t overexplain ourselves.
So to be honest, yes, I do think God talks to me. I don’t hear a voice in my ears like Samuel did in our first reading, and frankly, rarely does it even take the form of words. But yes, God talks to me.
Sometimes it’s a nudge – I read something, I overhear something, I notice something, and it’s like there’s a little nudge with an elbow to get me to pay deeper attention. God has to get my attention a lot. But I’m grateful – there’s always something to really notice. Or maybe my mind has wandered in prayer, and the nudge brings me back to pray with my mind, heart, and not just my voice.
Sometimes it’s a presence beyond description. An overwhelming presence – of peace, of love, of my own humble humanness in the loving embrace of God the creator of heaven and earth.
Sometimes it’s a little more direct inspiration. I can’t tell you the times I’ve stumbled into a metaphor, a parable, or even a turn of phrase that makes sense of something that’s just beyond words. It shows up in my mind, and I toss it out there, and suddenly the metaphor becomes like a map. No wonder parables and metaphors turn up all over the books of the Bible!
And very rarely, there’s something even more direct. Some of you may know this story, but a decade-and-a-half ago, I was going through a particular rough patch. I was out for a walk in the pasture, pouring out my heart to God in words (side note: This type of prayer where we just talk to God like in a conversation is called colloquy). I’m praying, telling God how hard it’s been for me, and how lonely I’ve felt, and then I said “It’s like you weren’t even there.”
And then snap! Suddenly there were these words: “Now, wait a minute.” And images flashed in my mind of different occasions in the prior months when I had, in fact, felt the closeness of God. I stopped in my tracks, said “you’re right,” and then went home in silence.
Now, when I’ve told that story before, some people have projected anger on God’s part, that this was not a funny story. Let me reassure you: I didn’t feel ashamed, and God wasn’t angry. This was like when that close friend, that trusted relative, a beloved spouse hears you vent, and they support you and love you, and then they push back lovingly. “Are you sure about that?” they say with a firmly gentle truthfulness. If they can’t push back, then we might spin out of control.
Have you ever done that? Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I get on a roll with complaining. It starts with a little thing that annoys me. Then it’s about how all this stuff is stupid. Then it moves on to how everyone is wrong but me. Then it ends with “everything is 100% terrible and rotten!” I exaggerate, but that’s how it spins out of control for me. A little complaint, a little feeling of frustration suddenly gets magnified bigger and bigger and suddenly I can’t see anything else.
So that’s what God was helping me with. Yes, I was having a rough patch. Yes, some stuff was happening that wasn’t fair. And yes, I felt alone in trying to handle it all. But the truth was that God had been present with me, and I knew those moments.
In listening in that moment, I got a fresh reminder of how present God truly is. It’s the caring words of a spouse saying, “Don’t forget how much I love you.”
And so turning back again to the reading from Samuel – I’m left to wonder how many times God was talking to Eli and to Eli’s sons, and how much they refused to listen. Eli indulging and defending his sons who were taking advantage of people in God’s name, and Eli’s sons who stole from the offerings of the people. How many times had God nudged them? Eli clearly knew that God was speaking to Samuel – how many times had he refused to listen to the voice, the presence of God?
But be mindful – the story isn’t primarily about guilting or shaming you for not listening. Unless, of course, you are in a position of power and abusing it. Then yes, you should very much listen to the words here that way. Abusing power is one of the reasons things are so messed up as they are!
But for the rest of us, this is the takeaway: listen to how God talks to you. Is there a nudge? Is there a presence? Or words of loving wisdom in your heart or from the mouth of a friend, or even a vision drawing you closer to God and others? Listen. God does talk to you. It’s not a religious delusion to know that the God who created all things and knows all of creation perfectly and loves it completely also wants to be intimately present in your life. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all evermore. Amen.